Sometimes, I feel as if it’s my lot in life to always struggle for peace.  Sometimes, I feel as if no sooner than I've won for myself some bit of peace, there’s another person coming after it- so very eager to destroy it. And, they are eager to destroy it, for reasons bizarre- but never unfathomable.

I’d walked away from that too long meeting with the understanding that even though it had not been said out loud and even though there had been plans made for another meeting, we all understood that that had been the end of it all.  My understanding was that we had all understood that neither man, woman nor child- mortal or immortal- could move me to consider becoming a staff writer for this news company or any other.

 My future as a freelancer was now written in stone and no one would harass this stone. I felt that if I were to, the very next minute, meet a stranger- he or she would sniff the air and instantly understand all of that. That was my understanding.

But what are understandings, if not things to be harassed by troublemakers? There I was, lounging at home- I’d taken the rest of the day off to celebrate the settling of the debris and my future. I was back to my early August state- full of spirit, ready to fight unemployment- ready to plan myself an even grander future.  I had no fears- not even one. My understanding now, as it had been back in early August, was that women like me didn’t stand still-, unless by choice.  I was, after all, a working girl.

I felt it coming- something ridiculous was on its way.  I wasn’t foolish enough to think it wouldn’t come.  I was just foolish enough to hope it wouldn't. So the call came, the new editor/writer/CEO/etc wanted another meeting to happen early next morning. For some reason, he felt he needed to act as mediator to a deal already done and settled. Apparently, his parting words against our boss earlier that day, after the meeting, had made him think that we were now confidants and that I trusted him.

So, now he was confiding that we could work this out- between the two of us. After all, there was no communication problem between us- so we could settle this once and for all.

My working girl senses tingled and sighed at this attempt. They told me to turn this meeting down… that nothing would come of it. They told me that this was just another power play- one that I’d seen a thousand times during my short but tumultuous career. They told me that I needn’t attempt reconciliation because I was so unafraid of everything- including unemployment.

But the other side of me urged me to listen- urged me to pretend there was need for reconciliation. This side of me was curious. It wanted to know what could possibly be left to say. It wanted me to be proved wrong- that a man- so many years my senior in this field didn’t actually feel the need to prove his power or worth. This side of me wanted to give someone yet another chance to amaze, move, irritate…or disappoint.  And so, I let this side of me take control. And, it did what it wanted- it said yes to a breakfast meeting to…discuss my future with the company.

Coming Next Tuesday: #35- It’s a….