A few years ago, I logged onto a particular dating site and set about performing a search for matches.  I came across the profile of a balding man, with questionable teeth and not so fantastic a body.  His title didn’t read “lonely man looking for sensitive woman” or “sensitive man for lonely woman”- as was rather normal on this site. His was self-deprecating, something along the lines of: “intelligent, caring, mature, funny…what, you wanted good looks too?”

 I did find this funny and so explored his profile. It was well written, funny and creative. (A well-written profile can be a fail-safe mechanism, capable of distracting a woman from that second nose, huge bald spot, the sprawling “Janey was here” tattoo, the crooked teeth (or no teeth) and the extra hundred pounds).  But, when I came to the end of his profile, despite promises I made to myself, I found myself thinking: “as a matter of fact, yes…yes I do want good looks too.”

 When I first started exploring the world of online dating, “be deep” was one of the promises I made to myself along with “run at the first sign of weirdness” and “no daddies/granddaddies please”.  I don’t know what on earth possessed me not to be shallow. Perhaps it was all those scary stories about the high probability of handsome guys being players, serial killers or total jerks. Or maybe it was that unspoken rule that a woman ought to accept that no man has it all and must sacrifice one element if she wants another.  Or maybe it's just that online dating sometimes pushes you to relax your standards.

And so, for the first few years of my online dating adventures, I did keep my promise to myself- “be deep”.  I didn’t ignore the men who were diamond hard on the eyes.  In fact, I think I went out of my way to accept attentions from men who were the antithesis of everything I found physically desirable in a man.  I just couldn’t ignore a hello, a wink or any sort of communication from the physically unattractive, provided of course, he had a profile which redeemed him.

DrDating Cartoons

The fat ones who liked long walks on the beach and Dostoyevsky? I’d soothe their insecurities: “what fat? You’re fine as you are.  If I wanted a stickman, I’d tell you.” And that was half-true.  I didn’t want a stick man; Greek gods were more my thing.   The old ones who REALLY looked their age, had great stories to tell, and were super sensitive?  I’d assure: “listen, I want a man- not a boy”. That too was half-true. The all-around in-no-way-hot ones who played an instrument or two and didn’t secretly like the movie Titanic? I’d repeatedly call them pet names with the word “hot” included. Hotness is in the eyes of the beholder, right? 

But, after so many failed online relationships, I have come to the conclusion that I have paid my dues. I am tired of feeling it necessary to lie to myself and others.  I am very much a shallow person.  I enjoy looking at handsome men.  I enjoy being around handsome men. I enjoy thinking about being in love with a man who is generally considered heartbreakingly handsome. And I will not apologize for it! Nor will I beg pardon for wanting the total package: a man who’s intelligent, funny, caring and possessing looks to make my heart and other parts of me melt.

Men's looks are going to have a lot to do with my future choices.

Coming Next Saturday: TO BE ANNOUNCED