What exactly is it about online dating that makes me willing to try a guy I wouldn’t look at once in real life?  I consider myself to be a woman very aware of the type of man she wants.  What is more, I firmly believe that this man, superhuman as he may appear to be on paper, does exist!  It is this comforting little thought which helps me sleep at night and keeps me going after every failed online relationship.  Now, all I need to do is cease falling for, or more accurately, cease accepting attentions from men who obviously don’t come close to my superman.

I’m a very single woman with no love prospect in in immediate or distant sight.  I have, up to this point, broken up with every man I’ve dated online. But, my many failed relationships are not even the issue here. Worse than the number of breakups is the fact that I have actually dated that number of unsuitable men, knowing from the very start that they were unsuitable. And there is worse! Of the many unsuitable men I’ve dated and broken up with, there is none I can claim to having ever really and truly loved. Some women at least have that!  They can bemoan or boast having loved the wrong man. All I have to my name is a litany of failures.

My problem is- I never learn from my mistakes.  I enter each of these relationships knowing from the start that things won’t work and that the man of the moment is the antithesis of everything I want in a man. Yet, I continue without stopping to think about what it is in me that feels the need to pursue these terrible relationships.  Maybe, I’m one of those women, uncomfortable with being alone. Or maybe, I am just the eternal optimist, stupidly thinking that I can mould a man or any person for that matter into the thing I want.  Perhaps, I keep thinking that the one I don’t pursue or don’t allow to pursue me might just be the very one I’m looking for?  Who knows?

I just know that before my adventures in online dating began, I had made myself a few promises.  I promised that at the first telltale sign of “weirdness”, I’d run faster than any female sprint athlete. But then there was Tony* – the very obsessive man and I didn’t run.  And there was Hunte*- the insecure little boy and still I didn’t run.  There was even Nathan*- with his 101 divorces (slight exaggeration) and I stood still- no running.

I’d also promised that I wouldn’t date men who were past a certain age. That promise was out of the window the second day after I created my first online dating profile.  Thanks to the “you never know who might be the one” thoughts swirling through my head, I began accepting attentions from men who could be my father. And, there were at least three who were just marginally safe from qualifying as possible grandfathers.

There was also the promise to abort any mission once a glance at a man's profile revealed something other than “no” or “zero” in the “have children” section.  I’d promise myself that no matter how cute his child/children were or how much that spoke to him already knowing how to be a very good father to our future children - I’d resist the charm of the Daddy.  Needless to say, the fact that I can count on my fingers, and maybe soon even toes, the Daddies I’ve dated, is proof that I didn’t live up to that promise either.

Time and time again, the D- minus guy struts by- the guy who is in no shape or form my superman- and I fall again and again for the cheap thrill of pursuing love…online.

*Real name has been altered.

Coming Next Saturday: What's Looks Got to Do With It?