So once again, even in an offline relationship, I’d managed to find myself facing yet another dilemma. I wanted more. But I would never fall in love with William*. So should I drop him like something that’s hot and move on?  Well, that wouldn’t make me look like a good person, would it? (And, I am a good person… or at least try to be).

Even more pressing question: What the HECK was this more that I wanted? Could it be that having fun wasn’t enough? Could it be…dare I say it, that I wanted LOVE?  Well that would be a shocker, wouldn’t it?

 *Input sarcasm directed at self here: Romans, countrymen, lend me your ear. Behold, the girl who’s looked for love in places high and low (well, mostly online) has discovered that she wants more and that that more is LOVE!!*  *Input more sarcasm directed at self here: ~Romans and countrymen gasp in horror~*.

Now, I had to be careful. Cyndi Lauper be damned, it seemed as if all my fun-having days with William had just made the situation worse. And that’s when my resolve normally weakens- when situations go from bad to worse. That’s normally when I start pining for the one thing which has eluded me for so many years.

I’ll always be that moth drawn to the incinerator. Foolish, foolish moth, thinking I could snatch up what I wanted if I was just careful enough around the roaring furnace. Silly little moth always trying to negotiate some way around things that are doomed to go from good to bad or bad to worse. Just a little old moth with big dreams about finding a moth mate and finally being happy- picket fence and all- or whatever the moth equivalent happens to be.

I knew I had to get out of this stink.  I had been happy with my fun-having phase. I had really been just sooo happy to put the old worry-worry-think-think me in the past.  I sent a message to William, maybe he was up to doing something later.  His reply came quickly. Of course he is.  I did my best to ignore the small annoyance I felt at his being so very available to me. (Would it kill him to be a bit difficult? I would have no problems with him playing a bit hard to get. Just a bit though. I didn’t want anything over the top to make me sweat or anything like that.)

I just needed to relax…stop berating myself- as a moth and a human- focus on work during the day and then have a guilt-free time with William later. Everything was alright. There was no need to panic. I was still young. I still had lots of time to negotiate the flames.

I was all better now and cheered up when my phone rang. I picked it up absentmindedly. I’d hardly managed a hello before a shrill screech came through: “Hey, you would never guess who just got married!!!”

 *Not real name.

Love Pursuit is now updated fortnightly.