And, I made sure he was clear on a few things.  Like- he and I were not dating. We were just “hanging out” to see if we’d be good daters. He therefore shouldn't be pushing the issue too hard. If I were destined to fall in love with him- then I would. If not, then I wouldn’t. I warned him that that one possible outcome of our all hanging out could be me realizing that I could not or would never fall in love with him.  I gave him an out- so if he wasn’t prepared for that eventual possibility, it would serve him well to start running now.

But, he hardly looked at my out. He just nodded his agreement to all of this- in the way a hungry man nods during a lengthy blessing or lecture while staring anxiously at the food.  And, as I watched him nod while not really listening, there was again that voice in my head which warned: “here comes…troubleeeeee!”

So…our calls to each other became more frequent.  Hardly a day passed without a call from him to me or me to him- normally more from him to me. On days or nights when work or some other engagement kept our calls short, we more than made up for it with the text messages, instant messages and offline messages passed between us. Our ‘hanging out’ sessions became more frequent too…and lengthier.

I was definitely learning things about William which I would not have learnt, or at least not so quickly, if we had stuck to being friends from a distance or online friends.  I enjoyed going out with him- movies, restaurants, concerts and things like that.  It was great to just sit around and have easy conversation- conversation made so much easier because we were doing so much together. We could always talk about that movie we last saw together, if we ran out of other things to talk about. It was totally enjoyable.

But, no, I didn’t think I was or would ever be that woman who would love him that way or even half the way he deserved.  I enjoyed him as I would an excellent buddy. But, that was it. I didn’t spend nights or long minutes fantasizing: “what if, we are just sitting there talking and he reaches…and grabs me and….” In fact, I was more than happy that he was not aggressive in that way.

I began panicking.  Just what should I do now?  And, just how do I go about telling this man who was so “reasonable” in his love (compared to my previous online dates) that he should stop wasting his time with me?

 *Real name has been changed.

Coming  Next Saturday: Chapter 1- Page 1...