There comes a point in your dating life, after you’ve decided not to give up on online dating, that you have to, even if you don’t want to, put yourself on the examination table, cut yourself open and examine your insides.  Anesthesia not included.  One date gone wrong is bad luck. Two or three dates gone bad- you can lay the blame on other parties. You can even give some leeway for the fourth date gone bad- maybe the planets weren’t aligned…or something. However, when you’re racking up, not just bad dates, but, dates gone truly and horribly wrong, you have to start considering and accepting that the problem just could be… you.

And that’s exactly what I started to consider and accept after deciding to move on with my online dating after the sad saga with Nigel*.  My first stop was to turn the mirror on myself via a look at my online profiles.  Maybe, there was something there that kept calling to the wrong sort of man. Perhaps, some detail or revelation about myself was screaming “bring me your burdened” or “all may apply”. So, I tried looking at my profiles as a stranger would. I tried looking at them as another woman would and then as I imagined a man would.  I decided to target the site I was most active on and which seemed keen on sending me the wrong kind of man.

I wondered if I should change my tagline on the site, but, decided that I was over thinking it and that only someone truly perverse could read anything indecent into it. The ‘What I’m looking for’ and ‘About Myself’ sections read well enough. I could reword the 'About Myself' section so that it was more serious-sounding.  I mean, if you joke around too much and sound too much like a joke, men might view you as one…right?

I couldn’t really change anything in the lifestyle and interests or favourite and least favourite sections. If I did, I’d be lying, because those were essentially facts…unless I changed the way I stated some things. Yeah, I could do that. So I did that.  Then, I stood back and looked over my profile again. Intelligent-sounding?  Yep and it didn’t scream: “I’m trying too hard!”  Not sounding too caught up in self? Check! Humorous?  Check- not over the top and the self-depreciating parts didn’t scream “low self esteem aboard”.

My second stop was yet another look at the man I wanted.  The total package: a thinker- has a brain and not afraid to use it; a conversationalist; a feeler- sensitive, caring and generally not afraid of a little bit of emotion; and a looker- a sight I could stand at any time of the day/night.  I saw nothing wrong here. I had no doubt, despite what the cynical little voice in my head was saying, that this man did exist. Besides, what right-thinking woman on earth could say, with a clear conscience, that this sort of man didn’t sound the least bit appealing?

So… if I got me right... and the man right, then, maybe it was my method of fishing for such a man and, in general, love online, which, might be a bit off? And that right there, was a whole other kettle of fish.

*Name has been changed to protect identity.

Coming Next Saturday: A Whole Other Kettle of Fish.