I thought about the possibilities.  Google’s Nigel* didn’t have to be MY Nigel*. Didn’t I know a few people who had the same first, middle and last name?  And sure, it could be a huge coincidence that this Nigel’s wedding date was on or around the same time as My Nigel had quoted to me. Why would Nigel lie about the name of the woman he was once married to?  Was it that he initially thought I could be some psycho and was trying to protect his family…or in this case, ‘ex-family’?  Was there something the matter with his ex-wife…maybe he was ashamed of her and so gave me a wrong name?  Or maybe…he was still married?!

I began wondering if Nigel could be so bold as to pretend to be all sorrowful about having lied about his daughter’s age while knowing that he had an even bigger lie in the closet.  My first instinct was to call him up and demand answers. My second was to just disappear without a word of protest or asking for any answers. My third was to lay low and set a trap to get after the truth.  For some reason, I went, naturally, with the third.

The next time we spoke, I was the coolest cucumber in the field.  Our conversation was as normal as possible; we chit-chatted about this and that.  At the end of the conversation, we ended with a good joke, said goodnight and went to bed. Well, he went to bed; I went to seethe into my sheets wondering how much of a con-artist this seemingly sweet and thoughtful man could be.

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I imagined him sleeping with a huge satisfied grin on his face, while I laid half-awake cursing the dating site on which we had met.  What kind of online dating sites was I on anyway? The sort that send me the most unsuitable/undateable bunch of men? I’d gotten the obsessive man who straightaway wanted to get married to me.  I’d gotten the one Nigerian who had to perpetuate the con-artist stereotype and give other decent Nigerians a bad name.  Oh, let’s not forget the HIV-positive and positively honest matchup along with so many other bad matches! Where were all the good men and where was my good taste in online dating sites and men?

I had three or four more conversations with Nigel before the slight matter of Google shows you to be married to someone else with a different name than you told me came up. Fate decided to release me from the torture. He began sharing some bit about his ex-wife and, what do you know, he refers to her not as “Karen”, but by the name I’d seen on Google.  Perversely, I spared a moment to thanking my for once extreme good luck before I launched my attack.

Of course, initially, he denied that he’d told me his ex’s name was “Karen”. Where had I gotten such an idea?  From you, Nigel. Was I sure that he’d said that?  Very, very sure, Nigel. Couldn’t I be mistaken?  I’m pretty sure not, Nigel. Maybe I’d misheard? You can’t mishear what was typed and appeared in a chat screen, Nigel. Finally, as with his attempt to cover up after lying about his daughter’s true age, he relented.

Yes, Google was telling the truth. Doesn’t Google always, Nigel! He did get married to that woman. But it was a marriage he regretted almost as soon as it happened and a divorce soon followed. I remember asking something along the lines of: “Fine, so why fabricate a wife name Karen?”  I also remember a long pause and the answer I saw appear on the screen. A wife named Karen wasn’t really a fabrication….

Coming Next Saturday: Nigel Piles it On....