Could I date a daddy?  Was Nigel* worth it? In the past, against my better judgement, I'd tried Daddies.  Tony* had his ridiculously young son. (That was another thing I couldn’t stand about Tony. Very early in our relationship, he began talking about me becoming a mother to his young son.) Hunte* too had his young daughter. I have never been truly comfortable with the idea of dating a man who was already father to someone else’s baby.  But, I have always felt bad admitting that I, not so very deep down, viewed these children as little bundles of burdens.

How exactly do you go about telling someone that you can’t be interested in them because they have a child?  A breathing and living child that they do so adore?   You don’t. In the past with Hunte, Tony and the other Daddies, I hid my reservations behind carefully zealous comments about the cuteness of Kid A or B.  I kept thinking what if that was me and men took to rejecting me because of the existence of the one person I loved more than life itself?

But all of that was in the past. After my repeated online dating horrors, I figured I’d done enough of a service to mankind and was free to embark upon the path of true selfishness. And now, there was Nigel: attractive, hardworking, ambitious, sensitive and funny- almost perfect, apart from the pre-teen daughter issue.  I could make him my one and only exception after my promise to be shallow. Or I could, very literally, throw the baby out with the bath water.

For some people, all of this might not be an issue. They could date a man like that without a second thought. But, it’s a huge issue for me- someone who has earned the right to be selfish and who’s been searching for a really long time for a man to call her very own.  I want someone who’s ALL mine. Simple as that.

 In my dreams, my buff and dashing Prince Charming logs in at his laptop, tells me I’m his world and he means it. It is just he and me; no children in the air between us- like morose computer viruses. And there’s no other woman who calls during our video chat- exploiting her claim as his child/children’s mother. And, most certainly, when I ask about that new thing on his desk or wall, he won’t reveal it to be a badge or crudely drawn picture referencing “The World’s Greatest Dad”.

I was going to be honest with Nigel.  I could not date him because he had a daughter- who would soon be a teenager.  I recited my speech over and over in my head. I was anxious when we next met online. He was his usual happy self- cracking jokes and sharing more of his life with me.  I waited patiently for an opening. One appeared and I decided I would go ahead with what I had to say.

 The funny thing is, you plan and plan and plan a thing, then, at the last moment, all plans fall apart. I was firm on telling Nigel that we could go no further.  But suddenly, my fingers developed a mind of their own and typed the most preposterous things. They told him that I liked him, thought him attractive, enjoyed his company and…wanted to see more of him….

 *Names have been changed

Next Saturday: This Daddy’s really a Daddy.