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I am an observer. And, after watching too many episodes of Criminal Minds and The Mentalist, somehow observing people's behaviour has become that much more prevalent.

 I am in a department store in London's famous Oxford Street looking around at the wares. It’s Sale Time, so its manic. But, I am drawn to a couple in the middle of all of the excitement. She is showing him a shirt of some description, and he is looking at it (and her) with disdain. It is not his style, I hear him inform, but she proceeds to argue that it is "a perfectly nice shirt" that he should purchase. Cut to twenty minutes later when, whilst in the queue paying for some item or the other, I spot them again. Funnily enough, he has the shirt in his hands, still with a look of disdain on his face, although the woman he is with is now smiling broadly.

Cut to a week later. Whilst sitting in my local salon -getting my "hair did"- I overhear one of the other patrons telling the friend she's there with about her new potential beau. She lists all his good qualities boastfully; his good looks, charm and ambition. Then there is the "but"; actually there are two fairly large “buts”. "He's great, but he is a bit of a ladies man. But I KNOW I can change that".

These two scenarios; different in situation, but the same in their essence got me thinking. Is love change? By loving someone, does that mean that you have (or should have) the ability to change them? Isn't love supposed to be about acceptance and (if need be) compromise?

It seems that matters of the heart, Love, and all its accessories can make hypocrites out of us all. The very thing that can draw us to a person can  be the very thing that forces us to drive them away. For example, an ex who claimed that it was my loyalty to my friends and friendship that endeared me to him, then used that same trait to cause arguments when he felt that he didn't have enough of my time.

So what's the difference between change and compromise in a relationship?  Well compromise seems to be a reasonable response for the balance and good health of a relationship. In the first scenario it seems that the purchase of the shirt (unsightly as it was) was a compromise. The man knew that the shirt wasn't to his taste but he bought it because he knew it would make his woman happy. He probably also reasoned that he would probably only need to wear it once. Compromise is harmless.

Change on the other hand is dangerous in the wrong hands. When people enter into relationships aware that their partner has qualities and traits which are questionable and then feel that they have the power to change those habits, it is usually a recipe for disaster.

Picture this: all those women who claim to love a bad boy, but in reality spend the whole relationship trying to make that same "bad boy" change his ways once the novelty wears off!

Onyx Knight