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I was questioned by a colleague the other day as to whether I had yet approached Mr.GQ. When I answered no, she shook her head and asked me why not. I replied that I hadn't really seen him for a while, but, that was a lie. Yes readers, a lie, and a bold one at that. I had seen him... and admired him... and sighed in his presence... and looked at him with awe and wonderment.

The truth is this (and this may come as a shock to you, because it certainly shocked me): I AM A FRAUD.  I seemingly roam the earth in my day to day life, behaving as though I have all the confidence in the world at my disposal. But basically, all that has managed to prove is that I am a pretty good actress. At the office I can put on my "game face" and speak to both colleagues and clients with a high level of self awareness. If I put my mind to it I could probably convince the world that the snow which fell outside my window a few weeks ago was merely a dusting of icing sugar!

The real problem is that I am actually quite a shy person. And, the thought of initiating a conversation, with someone I am attracted to, shakes me to my core. This is not to say that I haven't done it before, but, it has always been in the right setting- while I helped serve drinks at a friends party being an example. Somehow, in that setting I can muster up an attitude of "this is my space, you have come to it and I shall greet you merrily".  It is this attitude that I almost look at from a distance and marvel at its ability to hold witty and interesting banter with an attractive member of the opposite sex. It is the attitude which, fickle by its very nature, tends only to come out on occasion, and fails me whenever I see HIM; Mr GQ in all his glory.

This causes a problem. A conversation with the girls brought this to the fore, when three of the four present confessed that we found it difficult to overcome shyness and approach the men we liked. The one chick amongst us who was brave enough to do it let us know a thing or two about why overcoming this was imperative for our own sanity.

London is a city where women make up 51% of the population.

In my mind I rationalised that if Mr.GQ was interested in me in the same way I was intrigued by him, then he would have made a move already. But, if my friend is to be believed, maybe he was thinking the same thing about me... waiting for me to make a move. And maybe it's about time I do. I'll have to book in an appointment with my confident attitude. Just to make sure it's present if i decide to up the ante.

Onyx Knight

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