Friday, 24 September 2010 00:00 | Written by Onyx Knight | | |
Introducing a new section in the Chronicles of an Urbanite. Dear Onyx, features letters from the readers of Chronicles.
I am not Dr. Phil, nor am I an Agony Aunt. What I am is a lady with an opinion. And,if you ask me for mine, I can be be obliged to provide it. As we all have experiences with relationships, the lessons we learnt can sometimes be used to offer assistance to others.
Dear Onyx,
I have been seeing a guy I quite like for about 6 months now. We met at work, and for the most part things seem to be fine. We kept it on the low at first, because we didn’t want too many people interfering in our personal business.
Here is problem. I’m now starting to feel like his dirty little secret. He won’t acknowledge that we’re a couple at work and gets antsy if any of our colleagues ask if we are seeing each other. I would be quite happy to shout from the rooftops about our relationship, but out of sheer embarrassment I am now forced to evade any question of our acquaintance.
What should I do?
Water Cooler Mistress
Water Cooler Mistress,
It appears to me that you are being played. Point blank. If you have been seeing this guy for 6 months and he still doesn't acknowledge your relationship in public then you ARE his dirty little secret as you suspect.
Now don't get me wrong, I understand the idea of keeping a relationship discreet if you met (and both still work) at the workplace. Professionalism is important. People in the workplace are nosey, feeling like they have an entitlement to your business. I get why discretion is key. HOWEVER, there is a big difference between discretion and denial.
If he is saying one thing to you when you are alone, but in public behaving differently, then this "relationship" is far from fair. The only person who loses out is YOU. He clearly is quite happy with the way things are, because he not only gets what he wants from you, but he can also behave as though he is single. I have met guys like this before, they love the attention garnered from being "single" and so will fight tooth and nail to protect that.
What's important now is that you take control of the situation. If you truly want the relationship, then you need to confront him and lay out the boundaries. Only then once they are out in the open will you be able to determine whether he is willing to meet the requirements, and respect your expectations for the relationship. It's time to upgrade from his part time lover.
ONYX
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Friday, 24 September 2010 00:00 | 
Written by Onyx Knight | 
| 
| 
Introducing a new section in the Chronicles of an Urbanite. Dear Onyx, features letters from the readers of Chronicles.