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Many a singer has dedicated word and tune to the phenomenon of the “newness”. “You make me feel brand new”, “Can we go back to when it was brand new”, “I guess I’m just addicted to the newness”. ... just a selection of lyrics which attest to the love of the newness.

So what is “the newness”? It is the stage in a relationship when everything is new, when it’s fresh and exciting. It's the stage when you “hunger” to know more about your other half, where every little bit of information shared is like your own little discovery on love’s expedition. 

It's the stage when things seem “cute” like the 5 phone-calls in a day “just because” or because he missed hearing the sound of your voice.

Some call it the honeymoon period; it's the time in a relationship when you annoy all of your friends because you can’t stop smiling and can offer them no particular reason why.

It’s very easy to get addicted to newness, which is probably why we have people who are perpetually commitment phobic. If you spend all of your time trying to find the feeling of new, then how do you ever settle down? When things become familiar are you not then tempted to run away?

I’ve been there myself, trying to prolong the feeling of new, casual flirtations by being as evasive as possible, hoping to prolong the feeling through mystery and intrigue. But, the truth of the matter is that it is quite exhausting.

If you’re wondering exhaustive for whom, then my answer is simply: for both parties. It takes a lot of effort for the ‘newness fiend’ to keep things fresh, especially when your method is to be vague. Kicking yourself anytime you feel you revealed too much, or if you revealed too little to create wonder. On the flip side of that, if you are the other half of the equation and all you're met with is sparse and incomplete answers, after a while it gets tedious to actually continue to care.

Obviously, at this stage it's probably important for me to clarify that things are rarely that simple. But my point is this; love the newness while its there, but, when things become familiar, celebrate growth, celebrate familiarity and celebrate longevity since it seems in these days of a disposable, throwaway culture, longevity is rare. Think about it, it's exciting when you plant a seed, wondering what will come of it, but, when your seed has long since gone you have a tree which can bear fruit. Celebrate the fruit of the familiar.

So sayeth Sensay… and so endeth the lecture.

Onyx Knight