(PLEASE NOTE: RE:BELLE will be taking a break until March 2012.)

I wasn’t going to the wedding as William’s date. Plain and simple.  I wasn’t going and I was going to tell him exactly this. I was going to sit him down and explain that this wasn’t working. That the fun of this was all dead- had died a long time ago.  This wasn’t going to be like all the other times I’d make up my mind to put an end to this ridiculous courtship then wavered at the last minute. I was resolute- this had to end and end now rather than later. 

Maybe my new resolve was as a result of what was going on at work.  At work, I was coming into contact with so many clients who were leading remarkable lives. I was meeting people who were so grateful for any bit of life they could have because some thing or the other was making their daily lives so difficult. 

Yet, there I was- playing the fool, willingly caught up in a relationship that was going nowhere.  I kept thinking: “this must be how some people’s lives get away from them. They promise to only do a thing for a bit until the real thing comes along. But then, one day and another and another passes. Before they realize it, they’ve spent years on the thing that was only supposed to occupy a few months of their lives.” This wasn't going to be me. It was finished between the two of us. End Scene. Game Over Man, Game Over.

There was also the matter of that work colleague (and so many other female friends) I’d overheard bemoaning her love-life. How was I to be a proper “sister” and human for her?  I had to say something to her. But, I couldn’t lecture her about what she needed to do to reverse her seeming bad luck with men.  I might choke on the words if I tried to inform her of the evils of stringing people around or playing games with other people’s heart.  I might even just implode from all the hypocrisy if I attempted to tell her that she needed to learn to say “No” to the men/things that were bad for or that being alone wasn’t the terror it seems to be. I mean, what HAS  HAPPENED to the girl I used to be?!

I began yearning for it again- the days when I kept my love life (whatever shape or form it took) online and dealt with everything else offline.  Sure, back then, I had the same tendency to continue online conversations or relationships even after I’d figured out that I just wasn’t clicking Guy 1 or Guy 2. But, at least, there was a decent turnover rate. Here, I was- trying this offline dating thing and struggling with one (1) man for so many months.  Utterly ridicious! And so, I picked up the phone and sent a brief sms to William:

“Hey, we need to talk. Tonight.”