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Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, Nigel* became as elusive as the perfect phantom.  It suddenly became very difficult to catch him online or by phone. I thought of leaving an offline or text message cautioning him that it, whatever it was, was over between us and I was no longer interested in dating him.  I also thought of just ending it without so much as a farewell note. But neither option appealed to me.  I had to have some last word in- let him know what I thought about his treachery.

 In real life, I talk a good game about clean cuts. No doubt, if one of my girl friends came to me for advice about some consistently rotten date or partner, I’d immediately think to myself: make a clean break of it. Of course, I might not say that aloud, because people can be tricky about wanting your advice. And, you can get caught in an uncomfortable situation when the lovers’ quarrel is over. So most times, I just give really generic advice.  But, I’d think it: “cut all ties now! Forget about a proper farewell”.

However, in my online dating world, I am not so good with the clean cut thing. Maybe, it’s for my own good. Maybe, I need that tangible and non-passive “break up” to jar me into understanding that there will be no contacting this person in the future. A woman looking for love can get confused in the sometimes fraudulent climate of online dating.  Whatever it is, I need that final hurrah- the flurry of accusations, excuses and the formal goodbye.

And oh, did Nigel give me that big hurrah.  He contacted me a week or so after my failed attempts to reach him and tell him that he was just too much baggage and too much lies.  He did it the coward’s way- via very lengthy offline messages.  He had had a talk with a close friend…or a close relative- I can’t remember which. This friend or relative had listened patiently to his story involving our online relationship and his lies.  After listening patiently to Nigel’s story, the friend had then suggested that he (Nigel) made a clean break of it.

I remember pausing at this point in Nigel’s long note to anxiously wonder if this was a break up note. All I could think was: how dare he break up with me before I got the chance to break up with him? I read on and was perversely pleased that this “clean break” was not a suggestion to break up with me. It was a suggestion for Nigel to tell me all…the truth and nothing but the truth. Nigel had decided that his friend was right and he was ready to tell me everything.

I remember my heart began beating a bit more quickly.  I feared the other lies this man could have told me. I mean, there was his daughter who wasn’t a pre-teen as he’d first told me, but, was actually a teenager. Then there was the matter of his lying about being once divorced- make that two with ex-wives by the names of Karen* and Helena*. And now…

Enter Carol*.

Yes, a third ex-wife who preceded both Karen and Helena. Nigel’s note told of a horrible late teenage affair which resulted in an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy…and as far as I can now remember …either a planned or accidental abortion….

* Names have been changed.

Coming Next Saturday: The Truth Hurts...